This Veterans Day, Ask for a Story
This Veterans Day, I have a simple suggestion: invite a veteran you know to share a story. Growing up as an Army brat, I learned early that “Where are you from?” could require a rather lengthy answer. Did you mean where I was born, where we lived last, or where the Army had decided we ought to be next?
One summer, after my dad retired, he moved to Boston ahead of the rest of the family to start his PhD at Harvard, I was sent to camp in Hendersonville NC and my mother was staying with her sister in Maryland. I was nine years old and when someone asked me where I lived, I said “I don’t know!” Imagine how strange that sounded that a nine-year-old didn’t know where she lived!
Military life gives families a particular collection of memories. There are the places, of course, but also the people: neighbors who became friends quickly, someone who helped a family settle in, and friendships that somehow survived another move and another change of address. For me it was the neighbor who kept a spider monkey in the back yard!
This Veterans Day, I’ve been thinking about those stories—and how easily we can forget to ask for them.
“Thank you for your service” is an easy thing to say. However when you know a veteran personally, you might also invite a longer conversation.
Start With Everyday Life
We sometimes assume that asking about military service means asking about combat or a difficult experience. And you probably know that many veterans do not want to talk about their combat experiences. But a veteran may have a wonderful story about a roommate, a memorable assignment, an unexpected friendship, or the commanding officer whose favorite expression is apparently impossible to forget.
You might ask, “Was there someone you served with who could always make you laugh?” Or “Which posting surprised you the most?” Even “What did you do on a day off?” can open a window into a part of someone’s life you’ve never heard about.
And then there is the food. Asking about the food may produce a review that makes your strongest restaurant opinion sound positively diplomatic. (Did you know that Marine officers pay for their food when they are in the field? My son, Alex, brought home MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) when he came home from Iraq. We still have them somewhere in the basement! He had lots of stories to tell about those MREs and the hot sauce in them.)
The point is to give the person room to choose the story. An ordinary memory can tell us a great deal about who someone was at that age, what mattered to them, and the people who helped shape their life. Even though I have my father’s service record – and I lived through many of those postings from Japan to Panama to Fort Bragg and Fort Benning, there are so many things I wish I had asked about!
Leave Room for Whatever They Want to Share
An invitation can be as simple as, “I’d love to hear about your time in the service sometime, if you’d enjoy talking about it.”
Some people will have a story ready before you finish the sentence. Others may prefer a different subject. Let them set the pace and accept either response warmly. If they do want to talk, give them your attention. We don’t have to fill every pause or come up with a profound response. Sometimes the best thing we can say is, “Tell me more about him,” or “What was that like?” A quiet conversation over coffee may be just the right setting. A crowded holiday table, with three competing conversations and someone asking where the serving spoon went, may be less successful.
Save a Story With Permission
If a veteran in your family enjoys sharing memories, ask whether they would like you to write one down or record it. Pull out an old photograph together. Ask who is standing beside them, where it was taken, and whether they stayed in touch. My daughter has given both my husband and me a subscription to a service called Remento. We receive a prompt each Sunday morning asking us to dictate a story or share a memory into our phones. It might be about how I got my first job or why I chose the college that I did. At the end of the year, the stories are collected and put into a book. I appreciate that our daughter wants to save our experiences for future family members.
Those names and details are easy to lose. Years later, a familiar face in a photograph can become someone the next generation knows almost nothing about.
As an Army brat and a Realtor, I’ve spent plenty of time thinking about the places we call home. A military posting may have lasted only a few years, yet the friendships and memories from that place can remain vivid for a lifetime.
This Veterans Day, perhaps there is someone you can call, visit, or invite for coffee. Thank them. Ask whether there is a story they would enjoy telling. There are fewer and fewer WWII and Korean veterans, and their stories are rapidly disappearing – but we have lots of young men all around us who are veterans with stories to share.
Ask the question. Then settle in and listen. You may discover a chapter of someone you love that you’ve never had the chance to know.
The Author
Lise Howe is an Army brat and a residential real estate Associate Broker with RLAH RE LLC. With 38 years of experience helping buyers and sellers in Bethesda, Chevy Chase and the Washington, DC area, she understands how much the places we live—and the people we meet there—shape our lives. Contact Lise at lise@lisehowe.com or visit www.thelisehowegroup.com.